I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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