thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Welp...herpes.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
