Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
