feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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