is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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