Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
