Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
