I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
