How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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