it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
