i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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