i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
