I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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