stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
