What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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