All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
