He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
