3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
