I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i believe in u and ur pee
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
