As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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