I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
