you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
we're so committed to being not committed
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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