so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
