yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
