I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
