You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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