Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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