The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
my liver is dry heaving
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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