i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
