The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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