I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
