She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
