in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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