I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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