I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize