R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
