so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
