my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
this is an emotional support booty call
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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