Hey man sorry I got all grabby
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
