We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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