Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
