the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
