You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
...so i touched it.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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