I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
