Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
