Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize