i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
