when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
