So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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