he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
