Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
