in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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