Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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