Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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