It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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