Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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