He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize