I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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