Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Can you bring me the toilet please
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
