Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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