We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
