This dress was meant to end up on your floor
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
