Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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