I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
