I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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