I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
