I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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