i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
