Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
