I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
