I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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