I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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