There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
