Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
