Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
